we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
