Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
