The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
