Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
