Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So. Much. Porn.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
