just come out here and I will go home with you...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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