Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
