we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
that may or may not have been my penis.
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