When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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