sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The feeling are messing with the penis
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
