i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
