It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
