Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
