I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
