Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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