you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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