I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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