Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
