i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
