Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We need to rekindle our bromance
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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