Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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