I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and she was petting her beer can
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
