he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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