Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize