You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
