I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
