He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
