Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
