Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
