how can u be prego again
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
