Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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