I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
