Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
