You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
