Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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