I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
