i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
