She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
