I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize