I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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