Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
