i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
