hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
