I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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