my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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