"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
