YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
