why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
