she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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