Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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