And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
