Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
