Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
