last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
