So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
its not stalking. its research.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
