Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
