she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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