i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize