God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
