Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
