Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
