3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
