Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
