My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
