I feel like abortions should bother me more
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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