We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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