He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Someone came in the potted fern
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
