Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
