I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
