Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize