Betty ford says i'm here all night
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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